Divorce and Guilt: Asking for What’s Yours
When most people think about divorce in Idaho, they picture heated disputes over money, property, or parenting schedules. But in my experience as an Idaho family law attorney, the biggest struggle for many clients isn’t anger; it’s guilt.
Although Idaho divorce law is straightforward, with marital property typically divided equally and custody schedules designed to provide both parents with meaningful, often equal, time with their children, many individuals still feel ashamed, selfish, or undeserving when seeking what they’re legally entitled to.
So why does this happen?
1. Old Roles and Social Conditioning
Many of us are raised to believe that “good spouses” or “good parents” always put themselves last. So when someone asks for equal parenting time or half of the marital assets, it can feel like they’re being greedy even though they’re simply asking for fairness.
2. Grief and Ambivalence
Divorce is more than a legal process; it’s the loss of a major relationship. People naturally move through grief in stages: denial, bargaining, anger, sadness, and acceptance. Sometimes clients delay signing papers or avoid giving their attorney documents as a way of holding onto the hope that the divorce might not happen.
3. Fear of Judgment
Idaho is a cozy, tight-knit state where clients often feel concerned about how they’ll be perceived by neighbors, extended family, or even their own children when they decide to take their fair share.
4. Identity Conflicts
For many, being the “provider,” “peacekeeper,” or one who sacrifices is a key part of their identity. But when that clashes with standing up for their rights, whether it’s seeking 50/50 custody or a fair share of the marital estate, it can lead to intense inner conflict.
5. Emotional Attachment
Sometimes, guilt masks something deeper — an ongoing emotional attachment to the relationship itself. On some level, clients may hope that if the process drags on, the divorce might not become final.
This often shows up in subtle (and sometimes subconscious) ways, such as failing to sign and return documents on time, delaying the release of requested financial or personal information, or making repeated requests to revise the language or terms of agreements, even when those changes don’t meaningfully alter the outcome. These actions can provide a temporary sense of control or delay, but in reality, they only prolong the stress of the process..
Moving Through the Guilt
If you’re in the middle of a divorce in Idaho and recognize these feelings, please know this: asking for what is fair is not selfish. It’s about protecting the life you built and ensuring stability for your future and your children’s future. Taking your fair share doesn’t mean you’re greedy; it means you’re honoring the years you invested into your marriage and family.
As your attorney, my role isn’t just to explain what the law provides. It’s also to help you navigate the very real emotional challenges that can make fairness feel hard to accept.
Need Legal Guidance?
Idaho divorce law starts from a presumption of fairness, equal division of assets, and shared parenting time. If guilt, shame, or hesitation are making it difficult for you to accept that, you are not alone. These emotions are normal, but they don’t have to dictate your future.
If you’re facing a divorce in Idaho and struggling with these feelings, I can help you protect your rights while also supporting the human side of the process.
Call my office or send me a message to schedule a confidential consultation with an experienced Idaho divorce lawyer.
